Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Randomize
