Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
