omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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