I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
