Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize