Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
