does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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