genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
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