She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
