New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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