I'm going to jail i love you
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
