my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
two words: eviction party
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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