i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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