Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
My bed smells like the plague
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
