I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
