I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
