Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
