I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
