so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
