yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
