He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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