New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
