hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
