just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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