haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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