she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
