It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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