wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
