I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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