I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
