fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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