why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
