So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
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I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
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I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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