Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
