She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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