I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
