i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
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