i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
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Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
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You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
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