how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Randomize
