Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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