Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
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It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
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You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
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