ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize