How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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