Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
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