So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Randomize
