My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize