i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
