I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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