Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
