I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
