I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
