He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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