fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
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