Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
