i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Randomize
