There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
