Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
