everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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