my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
