When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I want a musical about memes.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
