Just mADE A PArabola og urine
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
