I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
