The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
