Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
