His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
