Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
