First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
