I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
