i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
