One girl and one boy is just not enough.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
