thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Randomize
