They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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