We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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